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My predecessor in this congregation has an amazing wife who was every bit a partner in his long pastorate and much beloved by everyone.

I would dearly love to have a wife who could provide that same kind of presence and support me in the same ways. If our people want to help us find a great hubby or wife, more power to them.

If you serve in a multi-staff situation in a tradition that considers it okay for pastors to date within the flock, I still don’t think it’s a good idea. All those “romantic” stories (like the one in the novel Gilead) where the woman comes to a church and is immediately spotted by the pastor as the love of their life and they get married are mostly fantasies perpetuated by men who have been free for hundreds of years to objectify women (we’re not even GOING into other kinds of sexual abuse scenarios here, okay everyone? Therefore, there should be no encouragement of introductions to eligible single family members or friends to the single minister. When folks who know of the demise of your relationship get all fluttery about combing their address books for eligible ones for you, reassure them that that’s not their role. HOWEVER, if church folk make it discreetly possible for you to meet someone eligible, great!

Does anyone want hundreds of pairs of eyes on their relationship? They don’t have to tell you in advance that their single niece will be coming to dinner the night you’re invited.

He likes to tease me whenever there’s a car in the driveway overnight, and I jokingly admonish him to keep his nosey parker self out of my business and we laugh.

But once after we had had this exchange and had done wiping our eyes, he said in all seriousness, “But I do hope you’re dating someone.

True story: a married Unitarian Universalist I saw at a denominational conference sneeringly mentioned to me in conversation that he thought my personal ad was “cute.” It was obvious that he really thought he had something on me.

I responded, “And what were YOU doing on the personals?

His minister has no idea why, but I have a good inkling. Don’t/Do Tell Your Dates That You’re a Minister This is a tough call.When I tell my dates/potential dates that I’m a minister, it changes everything about our interaction.Either they freak out and assume I’m a prudish Jesus-freak or they bend over backwards assuring me that “that’s cool” (causing me to defensively think, “Thanks, pal, but I actually don’t need your approval”). We are ministers, in the business of officiating at and solemnizing marriages.Some folks I’ve dated have wanted to come to church to check me out in ‘action’. Meeting someone for a dating relationship can’t happen if we don’t get out there and interact with other adults.This isn’t to say that you should be hitting the bars or any such thing, but it does mean that you should make time to do things that interest you: see live music, go to parties, explore museums or sporting events or go hiking or join the local political organizations and make it a point to go where dateable women (men where applicable) are. On-Line Dating For the Pastor Crowd Ministers are ordinary folk with ordinary needs, and single ministers who don’t want to be single forever may choose to set up on-line dating profiles. There is nothing illegal or immoral about putting a profile on or EHarmony or wherever, and it’s NOT YOUR PROBLEM if someone from your church or religious community sees it up there.

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